Ridiculous (Or, as I like to say, "Ridic") Things

So I just haven't had much to write about lately. So I thought I'd dedicate this post to ridiculosity.

Over drinks last weekend (to wish a dear friend well on her next adventure), I was discussing with my friends the persistent problem of my undershirt/camisole etc. that I inevitably wear everyday under my work clothes riding up. It's a real pain. Like, my shirt gets all lumpy. It's awkward to feel your undershirt up around your boobs while your "real" shirt is still properly in place, you know what I'm saying? Luckily, my dear friends were able to offer me a couple of suggestions.

The Essential Poplin Bodysuit, i.e., the button down that's also a leotard! This would certainly fix my problem.

Problem is ... it's a thong. Like, HOW could that be comfortable. I'm nervous just thinking about it.

And then there is ... drumroll please ... THE CAMI SECRET.  Really, this video is a must see.

All jokes aside, I may invest in the cami secret.

My Property Management Company is Worthless

Me, this morning before work:  "Hi, Property Manager, I am locked out of my house."

**By the way, this is after I have called the office approximately 35 times from my neighbor's house. "Our office opens at 8 a.m.," my ass!

Property Manager: "Oh no . . . Well, drive on over here and get your spare key then."

Me:  "Um, yeah, I don't have my keys???"

A New Life Plan

So, I was sitting around the other night talking to Liz about how upset I was over those damn allergy results.  I actually said to her, lamenting that many of my favorite foods (Milk! Chocolate!) are now supposedly off limits, "I mean, if I can't get the joy in my life from food, where will I get it?!" I mean, I was joking, obviously (mostly), but still... Anyway, Liz agreed that even if she got itchy or gassy or whatnot she would definitely still eat chocolate.

Then, somehow, we started discussing our capability to survive in the wild. We quickly determined that, in fact, we would have zero flippin' chance of surviving in the wild because, well, I am allergic to all grasses and she has "jankity" (her word) teeth, meaning she wouldn't be able to eat the nuts and berries that we gathered. Oh, and also, because she apparently has scoliosis.  (ps - no you don't, Liz!)

After making this determination, we decided it was a good thing we - in fact - live in civilization. And we resigned ourselves to the fact that we should pitch a reality show where we just sit around inside all the time, outside the grips of trees and grasses, watching other reality TV shows, and eating soft foods. C'mon, who wouldn't watch that?!?

Speaking of soft foods, the Green Monster Experiment is coming along quite nicely. I feel GREAT, and I actually find myself looking forward to my smoothie every morning. Mostly I just feel really good about what I'm putting in my body.  I think I'm going to keep it going even after the two weeks are up... 

The Green Monster Experiment

So I'm trying an experiment.  This is the Green Monster*. I am going to have one of these every morning for the next two weeks to see if I end up feeling any better thanks to my incredibly nutritious breakfast.  Basically, after my disastrous allergy testing last week, I've starting thinking a lot about my diet and how maybe much of what I've been eating for the past 30 years has actually been really difficult for my body to digest. So, I really am trying to cut back on almost all of the stuff I'm allergic to, which leaves me with ... well, seafood and fruits and vegetables mostly. So spinach smoothie for breakfast it is!

It actually tastes ok. You can't really taste the spinach - it mostly tastes like banana. I think I'll really grow to like it. My bestie Cath has been trying to get me to try one of these for like two years now, so I guess I finally cratered.

So far no noticeable change in how I feel on Day 1, but I'm looking forward to the next few days!


*1 C vanilla almond milk
  2 cups spinach
  3 T ground flax seed
  1/2 - 3/4 C blueberries
  Frozen banana
  Ice
  1 T honey

Tribute to a Dogg

So I had a really funny post planned for this evening based on a hi-larious convo I had with my friend Liz last night, but I've decided to save that for another day - because last night, the music industry lost a real legend.  Nate Dogg - one of my absolute fave hip hop artists died from stroke complications. Now, I'm not really one to get all emotional about celebrity deaths (though I did have a hard time when my love, Heath Ledger, died a couple years ago and I don't know WHAT I will do with myself with Paul McCartney passes away), so I've been surprised at how much this news touched me.  I guess I associate Nate Dogg with a certain time in my life that was a lot of fun. Now I mostly listen to Keane, Death Cab for Cutie, pretty much anything they play on 103.7, and some country.  So my tastes have changed a bit :) Nonetheless, in his memory, here are some of my absolutely fave Nate Dogg tunes.

REGULATORS!! This song literally defined my freshman year of college along with ...

The Next Episode with Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. Clearly a classic.

And who can forget:

You Can't Deny It with Fabolous.


And finally, of course, Aint No Fun with Snoop Dogg, though I am not going to post a link to that here, just in case my aunts are reading :)

RIP Nate Dogg.

Holy Allergies, Batman!

So, today I went to the allergist for allergy testing.  I've been to the allergist before, but I've never actually been tested for all the possible things I'm allergic to.  Turns out, I'm allergic to just about everything.  Specifically, the following:

All grasses
All weeds
All trees, except pines and mountain cedar. (Go pines and mountain cedar!)
Most varieties of mold
Cockroaches (Um, ewwww!)
My dogs (Um, bummer!)
Feathers
Rabbit and Horse Hair
Tobacco
Dust

And, here comes the real doozies:

Milk (Um, why do you hate me, universe?)
Wheat
Chicken
Beef
Pork
Peanuts
CHOCOLATE (Um, W.T.F. Seriously, why do you hate me, universe?)
Pineapple
Soyboans

Now, it's not like I break out in hives when I eat these things or anything. So I can still sometimes eat dairy and wheat and chocolate. And even chocolate dipped in peanut butter, dammit!  It would just be a good idea for me to cut back on all of those things. So looks like from now on I'll be eating a shizz-ton of seafood and vegetables. Except for carrots (because, surprise!, I'm allergic to those too.) Bonus side effect: maybe I'll be forced to become a lot healthier??

Thoughts About Gas

So, unless you've had your head up your ass for the last few weeks, you've noticed that gas prices have gone up astronomically. I personally have watched the regular unleaded at the HEB by my house go up 40 cents in one week. Totally Ridic.

Anyway, in the last few weeks, I've read a bunch of articles about how to conserve gas (because, let's face it, I spend a *ton* of time dicking around online while at work). One suggestion is to carpool. Ok, duh. (BTW, anyone out there want to carpool to work?? I work in Beaumont, but it's close, no bigs).  One of the other things I've read over and over again is that you can conserve gas by driving the speed limit. Apparently, "even five miles over the speed limit" is wasteful. Ok, fair enough, speeding is not good. But my question is this: HOW DOES MY CAR KNOW WHETHER OR NOT I AM SPEEDING AND THEREFORE TO USE MORE GAS?!

I mean, just tonight on my drive to Houston the speed limit varied from 35 to 70 mph.  So, like, when I was driving 40 in a 35 did it know to waste gas? Then, when the speed limit went up to 50 and I was driving the speed limit, did it realize it was time to conserve?? I just don't get it. Can anyone explain this to me?

**Other fun gas tip: If you fill up either early in the morning or late at night, you can get more bang for your buck at the pump. Something to do with the density of the gas in cooler air. So, there you go.

My dogs

I get so much joy from watching my dogs. They are pretty much one of the best parts about Beaumont. I mean, obviously their awesomeness is not confined to Beaumont, so I guess I mean that the fact that I am able to have them here with me in BMT when pretty much everyone else I know and love is in Houston (or sadly, Dallas, L.A., or Alabama, thanks to the recent and pending moves of my law school friends).

So anyway, they are just the best. And I love love love watching them interact. It's funny - it is clear that they love each other, but sometimes Penny Lane is just *such* a bitch - whether it's attacking Finn for no clear reason or stealing his toys/food/spot next to me on the couch, what have you - and Finn just tolerates her.  Then, other times, Finn is so just flipping annoying - jumping on her, tugging on her ears, just generally being a complete pest while she's trying to rest (she's 7 after all!), and Penny Lane just tolerates him.

So, I guess they have a relationship just like all of us do, you love someone and you like 90 percent of the things about them, so you tolerate their 10 percent of bullshizz. Or maybe more, depending on who we are talking about ;) Food for thought.

In other news, I've been having these insane headaches and actual occasional near black-outs where I get really dizzy and see spots! I'm pretty sure this is because I need new glasses or contacts. Good thing I'm heading to the optometrist in the a.m.!